Stowe’s 2024 Olympic bid

Huh?

Yes, we’re putting together a bid to bring the Summer Games to Stowe in September 2024. You see, the U.S. Olympic Committee really wants a candidate to offer a geographically compact and economically sustainable event focused on world friendship and unity. At the moment, Los Angeles, which offers none of those characteristics, has politely agreed to be a placeholder site for the USOC until we get all our ducks in a row.

I was shocked when they first selected Boston. Boston’s view of compact was to have the bid team led by a construction company CEO who wanted to tear down half the city and rebuild it for billions of dollars, tossing in a stadium next to an interstate highway to make the sports lovers happy. The lack of even local friendship and unity ended that fantasy.

Our move emphasizes the obvious. We’re bigger, with 72 square miles of space. Boston is 90 square miles, yet it conveniently forgets to mention that 41 square miles of that is water.

And let’s clear up some things before troublesome naysayers start asking dumb questions, like: Why Summer Games in Stowe? The answer is: Why Winter Games in Sochi? Why Winter Games in Beijing?

The state is going to have to get on board and that, of course, means job creation for which politicians can take credit.

Imagine how many jobs China will create trying to move mountains and snow. Sochi was over budget building an entire city by about $50 billion. Cynics say the International Olympic Committee gives bids to places where one political party has complete control.

Need I say more?

Well, we will be compact and economical. Eminent domain will play a large role.

The Ricketson Farm will be the Olympic Stadium signature site, offering awesome views in every direction for the world’s TV cameras.

We plan to control anticipated traffic in two ways. Cars won’t be allowed any farther than the Pike Farm and Nichols Fields, which will be taken to provide VIP and sponsor parking. Yet, they won’t complain, as they will get 50 percent of every $25,000 three-week parking pass on their spacious grounds.

The state’s role will lead us into a world-class future by constructing the latest technological monorail system connecting Burlington, Montpelier and the Stowe section that will have stops at every venue.

Obviously, Burlington will get the water sports events and we’ll toss in a few events at UVM that might not fit in the mountains. Its International Airport will be a key part of the bid attraction; we’re also pretty sure the U.S. government will line up the F-35 fighters on-site to guarantee our security issues.

The Morrisville-Stowe Airport may need an additional landing strip constructed, but its use would be limited to private jets serving the IOC, USOC and the royal visitors from other nations. Naturally, these guests will have already rented the entire Stowe Mountain Lodge and all related Spruce Peak real estate, which will be located on the last stop on the Route 108 monorail. Certainly you must be at-least a 0.0001 percenter to even think about requesting accommodations.

Since the world’s athletes need their private space, we’re thinking Smugglers’ Notch Resort will be a great location for the Athlete Village. We plan on major sponsorship from Segway, which will have 10,000 Adventurer Personal Transport Models for use through the Notch between the village and the Stowe Mountain Resort monorail stop.

The IOC has the final say on a Media Center, and since every hotel in Vermont will be at capacity for this awesome event, reporters are likely to be provided round-trip transportation from Lake Placid. That’s if any media still exist in 2024.

Because we don’t wish to follow Boston’s precedent, we don’t have specific venue sites yet, since we want to actually ask people before including their sites in the bid.

The Ricketson Stadium will be the focus for sure. Topnotch will get the tennis. The Village Vibrancy people may be bent out of shape because Trapps will be the awards ceremony venue at the expense of Memorial Park. Yet, we will build nice stadium seating on the sliding hill slope and offer gymnastics outdoors. We have a rink where we will give up the ice for any number of sports that might draw up to 250 people.

The Swimming Hole has 50-meter lanes, so no need to build a pool. Spectators can watch on large screens, just like the Pope’s Mass in Philadelphia. Cycling will wind through all of Lamoille County and I can’t wait to see the marathoners run the leg from Jeffersonville up through the Notch, up the Nose Dive to the rim and down the Toll Road to the Rec Path if they live that long. TV will label it Heartbreak Hell.

We will get this bid off the ground by asking the state this year to waive the $30 million we annually pay for statewide school support for use in our bid campaign. And we can promise future paybacks far larger than those that cash-seeking legislators eagerly bought into for Vermont Health Connect. Hey, our promises will top President Trump, who will preside over the Opening Ceremonies in 2024. Furthermore, unemployment will drop to zero. What’s not to like?

I do worry, however, that the IOC requires the host mayor to sign off and guarantee any financial loss. We don’t have a mayor.

Yet, we do have a 1976 historical link. Perhaps some of our powerful Canadian second-home residents could ask the mayor of Montreal to sign off on our behalf.